Lots of my posts are negative. Ha I promise I'm not a negative person. I really do smile and laugh a lot, and life is super good. But there's a lot of stuff that I think about but I don't share with people. I don't wanna talk about negative stuff all the time. So I blog about it. Haha point is, I'm really an optimistic child! :) Keep that in mind. Now that that's established...
Wanna know what I hate? Middle ground. Gray areas. Like I mentioned in my last post, just not knowing. It kinda sucks. Looking into the future and not knowing what to expect. Not even a little bit. So much changes within a year. A month. A week. A day. Even just one second. Something can happen that effects your whole future, and you never know where you're headed... no matter what you think.
I really like having things figured out. Knowing when something will happen, what's going on, yadda yadda. Sure, I love surprises. Who doesn't? But I feel most comfortable when I know what to expect. Maybe that's what my issue is. I've always been really confused with time, and I've always wondered why time was always against me. Things never went right at the right time. But really, I shouldn't expect things to happen. That's one thing I've really learned this year. The more you expect, the more upset you are. Not to be a Debby Downer, but expectations only let you down. Sure, sometimes they're fulfilled and that's absolutely fabulous. But most of the time, they really just build you up to be torn down.
Lately, I've made some expectations with people. Everyday just hurts even more, cause what I want to happen doesn't happen. It's totally fine, I'm not complaining. Fate will make it happen when it needs to. But the fact that I built up these expectations makes it harder for me to wait. Just another lesson for me to learn, though. So many lessons to learn in high school and I'm only a sophomore.
If there's one expectation I'm going to make, it's that high school will be a good experience. I'm gonna make it that way. So really, that's not an expectation. It's a goal. There's a difference. To me, at least.
Expectation: waiting for something to happen without putting all of your effort into it
Goal: striving to reach something, trying with every ounce of drive you have to accomplish something.
To me, there's a big difference. A world of a difference. So lesson learned: don't expect. Hope. Strive. Try.
Maybe one day it'll pay off.
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