gloomy day, gloomy mood

It's been overcast and rainy today. Fitting, to say the least, for my mood.

Everything and everyone has changed so much. So much has happened that has shaped me as a person, and made me grow immensely. I don't know when life got so complicated, but it did. And I miss the simple life. I just miss the way things used to be. I miss girls nights every night, I miss getting that great GPA without any major problems or roalocks, I miss the friends I had that I lost over stupid things and people who tried to sway me. I miss when Devin was still around. I always knew, no matter what, that there would always be that one friend who would love me ALWAYS. But he's not here now, and it makes me feel like I don't have that one person anymore; the one who I knew loved me through everything. I miss him terribly. I miss him more and more everyday, with each and every memory.

I'm sick of being second best in everything to everyone. I'm sick of coming after boyfriends, sports, work, other friends, popularity. I'm sick of stupid high school people trying to stick their noses in everyone else's business. I just want life back to the way it was before. I don't even know what event I'm referring to when I say, "before". I don't know what I'm saying right now, why I'm posting this nonsense. I just look back, and everything is always better in hindsight. Maybe one day I'll look back on where I am in life right now, and maybe I'll wish I was back here again. So I guess I better buck the freak up.

All I know is that I miss my best friends, I miss my Dev, I miss the times when I was doing everything right, when I could do something without disappointing people. And I miss being invincible.