tonight i'm going to address a subject i wouldn't normally publicly address.
as some of you may know, since the day i was born, my body hasn't worked correctly. a natural, everyday function that your body does without even hesitating, mine just cannot do. that's just how i've always been, and it's how i'll always be.
i came to really accept this reality about a year ago. i came to accept the fact that this is my body, this is what it always has been and always will be. however, this does not define me. or at least, i shouldn't let it do so. i am not a disease. i am not a disability. i accepted that, i really, truly did.
but accepting these things doesn't make people's critical, ignorant words any easier to swallow... i felt some of these words sting my always-healing wound today. at the time, i blew it off like it was nothing; but the moment i was alone in my car, i thought about it. such a fragile subject treated with such aggressiveness: it was no longer easy to hear those words echoing throughout my mind.
interesting how people are so quick to shoot their words just as easy as firing guns in a war, when they don't even know the fight. i know that people don't mean these things to be hurtful, and i should never take offense when offense isn't intended. but isn't it only human nature to want to feel normal; to feel just like everybody else?
isn't it fascinating... humanity? i sound like a 70 year old, retired professor analyzing everything. but it truly amazes me. every single human being on this earth, knows how it feels to hurt. whether it's physically, emotionally, or both. everyone has felt pain and discomfort in some way. and for some reason, we are so quick to talk about people and their situations, as if their lives are easy. and no one's is, i can assure you that. hard times come, and they go. but no matter what things may look like, life isn't easy for anybody. it is so easy these days to look at the amount of someone's instagram likes or their blog posts and say that they are living on a cloud, that nothing can tear them down. but that assumption is nothing but the root of ignorance surfacing.
as i was driving home, shaking and sobbing like a little baby, i felt like a zero. like i didn't exist. i thought about how awful the feeling was, and how i hope i never make anyone feel like that. EVER.
as hard as it was to hear what were, to me, harsh words, i did learn from them. it is 100% truth that anyone can mask what they are feeling, what is going on in their lives, what their struggles are, without anyone even thinking about it.
the girl in my sixth period who wears black lipstick and has scars on her wrists: maybe she isn't just angry at the world for no reason, maybe she needs some love and affection. that "fat" kid: maybe he's got problems at home and finds an escape in food. maybe the girl with 2,000 instagram followers has a low self esteem, and relies on other's opinions for her to feel satisfied with herself. i could go on and on; we HAVE to start thinking of the effect of our words on others before we say them. there are so many things that people struggle with and i hope that i will never jump to the conclusion that looks to be what is true on the surface.
so there it is... probably the millionth lesson i've learned the hard way. but nobody's perfect. we all live, we all learn, we're all better people today than we were yesterday...
isn't humanity BEAUTIFUL?
